When the water ran out in my bungalow on Nusa Penida last month, my host’s niece came up the hillside and explained (via google translate) that they would carry water up the hill and fill a bath for me to wash that evening.
I was mortified! The efforts they go to in their hospitality are staggering.
I managed to explain that I live with an intermittent supply of water on the bay here in Thailand, but more than that, I went for months in South Africa with no running water so it simply didn’t phase me. I asked them to please not go to any trouble. I could swim and wash down by the sea; a luxury not afforded to the kids I lived with in the Valley of 1000 Hills. The staff there had to fill the man-made pit in their village with rain water and use it to flush toilets. It’s funny how one experience lends itself to another when you least expect it. When I noticed there was no water that morning, it didn’t occur to me to say anything. I simply went to the shop and stocked up on the bottled variety knowing I would need it to flush and wash if necessary. There are so many things I now take in my stride that before might have phased me. Every time an example of this occurs I’m reminded how lucky I am to have access to the things we consider basic human needs.
So many on this planet are not afforded that same privilege.
This mewsing has particular relevance this week as I resume work with the teenagers in South Africa. I realise I’ve learned a great deal this past year. I walked away from the charity I’d been working with for reasons I couldn’t properly articulate at the time. I certainly cannot fault their work as medics but I just wasn’t comfortable being part of the corporate set up in a place driven by egos. As I finish writing the stories of those I met in the community and continue to publish the articles I started while living there, I realise how I myself fell into the traps I judged others for being caught in.
I hope I am now better educated and although I still have doubts about the internal mechanisms of some NGOs and I do still believe there is far too much voluntourism, I at least feel I have a clearer view of the bigger picture and a greater empathy with the people who work in these environments.
I promised the teenagers in the children’s villages that I’d be back, but I never came. I promised I’d stay in touch, yet the need to compartmentalise my life in order to function meant I failed to keep up regular communication. I let things dwindle and I made commitments I couldn’t keep. I regret that, but guilt is not a real emotion. Guilt needs to be transformed into something that has a point. I made my decision to regain stability in my life before trying to fix the lives of others. I have done that now and am successfully finding ways to support the kids, resuming work on projects from afar and not giving false hope but instead providing realistic opportunities.
One of my night time occupations this week is to finish a music video for Lily of the Valley Children’s Village. I shot it with the kids last year; an ironic take on Bugsy Malone’s workhouse scene. They loved doing it and I loved making it but unfortunately using it to raise funds was never an option so it just sat around. The frustrations are still great in not being able to use visuals of the children to help raise money for them. It’s a huge ethical debate and one that will rage on long after my involvement in any project. I have let go of my disappointment on the failure for bigger campaigns to take off. Instead I have focused back on the smaller, immediate needs.
Demonstrated in the stories that will follow and remembering my own words when I first arrived in South Africa, I will continue to give the kids some enjoyment in their daily life, supporting them in their endeavours as they grow rather than trying to fix a society I neither understand nor have the right to judge.
mewsers 